Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
