it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
