and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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