i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize