please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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