He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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