It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
