and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
