i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize