remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
