i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
