Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
