I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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