I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
