he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I love having hate sex.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
