She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
