The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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