Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
