i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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