i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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