She is in my trunk
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
