We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Come back. Shots need mouths.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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