mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
