I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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