And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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