something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
