I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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