Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
