Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
