That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
