I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
