I am spending my child support on dildos
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
