remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
