Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
