no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
