I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
