we have pet lesbian snakes
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
