did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
