Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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