take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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