I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
only if we run a train.
done.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
