I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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