I got chris browned last night
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
