it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
