shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
