im drinking this country out of the recession.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
