How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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