In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
