we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
