I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
