No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
