Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
