My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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