You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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