Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
