omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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