If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
