I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
