it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
