Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
