one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
