Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
