dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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