Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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