dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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