Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
