I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i think i have two assholes
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
