I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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