I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
