using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
