Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
