I molested 6 butterflies tonight
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize