Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
