do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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