I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
