is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
